Day 9 - 16

I have been terribly terrible at posting on here. Mostly out of complete and total laziness to be honest. I've been responding to the Facebook posts at an equally terrible rate, so at least I'm neglecting everything? and not just this blog? ... if that's any consolation.

This last week was filled with socialization and studying for an interview exam where I had to code in a language I hadn't used in 5 years, so that took up a lot of my time. The socializing took up the rest and I have mixed feelings about my diet and going out. On the one hand I am insanely proud of my resistance. While I know I'm not the kind of person to give in to something because it's there, it still feels good to know I have the option to steal a friend fry but choose not to- no matter how many times they tell me to "just cheat a little bit."

On the other hand, socializing makes me want to drink. One, because it makes socializing easier, and two, because every one else is doing it and it's fun. I stuck to my diet still, with drinking, only having vodka sodas with muddled mint. Or straight scotch. But I somehow feel like I'm failing myself by drinking alcohol at all, or going over one drink and instead having three...

I feel like because of that, I feel almost like I've gotten fatter in this last week. Which is really disappointing. I don't know if it's true, I haven't weighed myself. But I just don't feel as happy with myself.

I also feel like because I'm not feeling miserable and because my stomach feels full that I'm dieting wrong. But this may all be wrapped up in the body image and mild eating disorder that I think almost every woman (and many men) have.

This last weekend Michiel and I went down to Portland to visit our friends. I loved the visit, but god is it disappointing and sad to go to a city with such great food and not be able to eat any of it. Michiel and I, and our friends Clayton and Jess, went to the Portland Night Market on Saturday and that was the hardest part of all. We barely had food all day and there were booths everywhere giving out samples of delicious chocolates, edible cookie dough, and all other things carb and sugar filled.

The cocktails there looked to die for and were served, in true Portland insanely hipster fashion,  in light bulbs. While we weren't able to enjoy any of the lovely food stalls, we went around looking at all the fun products for sale. 

Jess's comment: "If you are experiencing nipple discharge you should probably contact your doctor." 

(Those pots are pretty cute though...) I bought some delicious matcha powder from a woman who sells matcha made from local farms in Japan. She told me how they age the matcha plants there, similar to wine, which was something I'd never heard before. When I told her I'd only bought matcha from Trader Joes she nearly had a heart attack and forced her product on me. Supposedly it'll be more cost effective than my Trader Joes 'crap' anyways so at least there's that. 

I bought a weird card with cats on it for Denisse. Michiel bought beer infused jerky and some massage balm for the both of us. At one point we walked by a vodka distillery booth where two women tried to get us to try all their fantastically flavored vodkas. We told them about our awful restrictive diet and they sadly poured us a shot of their straight vodka. As disappointing as it was not having the elderflower, or apple-cinnamon, or pomegranate infused vodka, they did have a pretty damn smooth normal vodka. We plan to go back to their actual distillery once this diet's over... Upstairs was the bourbon stand where we sampled all the bourbons they had to offer. 

 So, it was still a pretty fun time, even on this damn diet. 

For dinner, I had looked up where we could get diet friendly food and found a vegan farm-to-table restaurant called Harlows. Both Michiel and I ordered their Zoodle Pesto Pasta when we arrived and were both fairly disappointed by what showed up. 

(poor quality pic, I know... I always forget to take pictures until after I've begun eating.) 

We expected a warm pesto pasta with zucchini noodles but instead got a cold salad with spiralized zucchini. It was good pesto, but not filling, and pretty much everything Michiel hates- salad and zucchini. So we wrapped up our orders in to-go boxes and went to Cartopia where Michiel got a half chicken and I got a caprese salad. We both felt much better after that. 

The next morning we met Michiel's friend Katie for brunch at Tasty n Alder.  The wait ended up being 2 hours, and had we not been on this diet it would have been worth it. That's not to say the food we ended up with their wasn't absolutely fabulous... but dammit I wanted those ricotta lemon pancakes! Or the maple glazed french toast! And a god damn mimosa!!

Instead I got their cast-iron frittata, and a side of the braised cabbage. Michiel had a conglomeration of everything- steak, eggs, broccolini. And because my cabbage was burnt the first time through they gave us a complementary order of their Radicchio. 

All in all it was fantastic. But again, mildly disappointing. I just seriously cannot wait for this diet to be over. My impatience is really starting to build. I have always had the problem where if I don't see immediate results then I don't see the point and give up. Luckily there are plenty of people around me to prevent me from doing that, but the urge is growing stronger. Why show up to workouts if I'm not getting abs already? Why do this diet if I feel full, but disappointed, and don't feel like I'm losing anything? 

It's a bit maddening.